Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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