it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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