i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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