I haven't been this sober since birth.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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