she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
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I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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