We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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