I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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