in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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