It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize