i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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