Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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