i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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