Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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