I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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