We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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