my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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