seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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