Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize