My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize