I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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