I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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