she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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