Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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