I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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