Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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