i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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