Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
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wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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