Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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