I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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