You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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