I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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