Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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