whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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