did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
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Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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