im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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