Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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