drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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