Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize