think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize