Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize