I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize