Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize