I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
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two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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