Need sex. Gaining weight.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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