did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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