He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize