i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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