Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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