I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize