His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize