it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize