oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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